TALES FROM THE CRAPPER

Chairman Mao

After victimizing everyone he could think of, Chairman Mao mobilized the entire Chinese nation to take it out on the sparrows. Sparrows eat cereal crops, and so over a period of forty-eight hours about 80 million Chinese took to the streets and fields and banged woks and gongs until the birds dropped dead of exhaustion. It was a popular move with most people because the Chinese loved fried sparrow. Without the sparrows to control worms and other pests however, agricultural disaster followed. With the natural food cycle altered, 43 million people starved to death over the next three years.




From The Giant Bathroom Reader

TALES FROM THE CRAPPER

Vlad the Imapler

Although the historical "Count Dracula" Vlad Tepes had an unparalleled appetite for sadism he was considered a hero in his country. Tepes, who ruled over Walachia (now part of Romania) between 1456 and 1476, had about 20,000 of his enemies impaled on wooden stakes, and enjoyed drinking the blood of his victims. In his spare time he forced wives to eat the roasted bodies of their husbands, and parents to eat the flesh of their own children. He was also a brilliant general and was adored by his fellow countrymen because he defeated their sworn enemies, the Turks. When a large troop of Tartars strayed into his territory, he selected three of them, had them fried, then forced the others to eat them. When Turkish envoys arrived at his palace to sue for peace, he had their hats and coats nailed to their bodies.



From The Giant Bathroom Reader